Ian Holloway Quotes – His Greatest and Funniest Moments

Ian Holloway has made his share of friends (and enemies) over the last few years. His amazing feat of getting relative minnows Blackpool into the premiership gave him a well deserved crack at the top league. For a year (and only a year) his unusual charisma and undoubted character lit up the premier league, but Ian has been at it for years in the lower leagues, and has given us all some hysterical moments in his interviews and television appearances. Whatever you think of Ian, its hard not to crack a smile at his hilarious outlook on the world, and being a football manager. Here, we’ve collected some Ian Holloway quotes and greatest moments as a manager for your enjoyment.

“He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking… He’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, my missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.” – on Cristiano Ronaldo, Ian knows what all of our egos are hoping for when it comes to the Portuguese maestro.

“I am a football manager. I can’t see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays but I ended up going to Lyme Regis.” – Fair enough Ian…Fair enough.

“When my wife first saw Marc (Nygaard) for the first time, she said he was a fine specimen of a man. She says I have nothing to worry about, but I think she wants me to buy her a QPR shirt with his name on the back for Christmas.” – Fortunately for Ian (not for Mrs. Holloway), he didn’t work with Marc Nygaard for long after this.

“We need a big, ugly defender. If we had one of them we’d have dealt with County’s first goal by taking out the ball, the player and the first three rows of seats in the stands.” On a defeat to Notts County. Did this make anyone else think of Tony Adams?

“It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad. It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.” – Yes, this is Mr. Holloway complimenting Joey Barton on his backside.

“It’s been an absolute living nightmare, to be honest. It is just ludicrous, I don’t see who it benefits at all.

“When my wife’s shopping, we need some milk and bread on a regular basis. We can’t buy it all at the start and then wait until January because it would have all gone off.” – Not a fan of the transfer window, then? Nor owner of a freezer.

 “Well obviously they’re so important, that we’ll have to change when we play our tournament. It’s so vital that they have our tournament that belongs to the world and I think I’m a world person aren’t I, I come from England. So we’ll just change everything ‘cos your weather’s really hot. Cos we can’t play it when we should do. Brilliant. If it was up to me heads would roll and I know which head it would be and I’d love to do it. Why don’t we let the people in charge of Blackburn do it, they seem to like sacking people. Sepp Blatter and all of them lot Mr Platini I know he was a good player but he aint very good at what he does, I don’t think. I think he’s useless you can quote me on that.” – Ian never was one to hold anything back…

And my personal favourite of Ian Holloway quotes…

“To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee”

Thanks Ian. There are no words… Football could do with a few more characters like this.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *