The first in our serious of brilliant football quotes. Some moments of shear brilliance from players, commentators and managers, this time we’re focusing on the lighter side of football, the funniest football quotes ever. Enjoy!

Brian Moore:

“He [Zinedine Zidane] has the body of a bear, the mind of a fox, and, err… terrific skills.” – In fairness, we couldn’t think of an animal with terrific skills either.

John Greig:

“It’s headed away by John Clark, using his head.” – Better than somebody else’s head, I suppose, I hear Vinnie Jones tried that once…

Ian Wright:

“It took a lot of bottle for Tony [Adams] to own up.” – think you’re funny, Ian?! You’re not helping!

Ian Rush:

“I couldn’t settle in Italy; it was like living in a foreign country.” – Funny that, Ian.

Dave Bassett:

“It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road.” – Don’t you just hate those ships on the road?

Bobby Robson:

“I would have given my right arm to be a pianist” – Bobby Robson tells the heartbreaking tale of the one-armed pianist.

“If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won’t lay any eggs in the basket.” – Erm…Okay Bobby.

Terry Venables:

‘If you can’t stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.’ – Venables tries out his pioneering dressing room/kitchen scheme.

Stuart Pearce:

‘I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.’ – Psycho gets his cliches confused.

Andy Gray:

“I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area, for goalies is between their legs” – Amen Andy, amen.

Not the funniest football quotes ever? Can you think of better or has your local team’s gaffer pulled a few classics out of the bag? Leave us a comment and let us know what you think.

Own Goals: The World’s Funniest Football Quotes (Football Humour)